So I think to meself all is fine in me little world but when i look back at it at a glance i can say alll is not fine at all. Soon someone I know will leave and once again be gone in a sense, two years ago I was thrown off my normal balance by a question about Ryan wanting to go back to service and i kinda threw it off like it was nothing and so we talked about it and he chose not to. Now Shawn left for service and so Ryan now is all wanting to go with it as well, I don't truly want to see him go off, cuz of the kids more or less cuz I don't want him to have to give them away and what not because it's so hard on them. "We've" had them now for well hmmm let me think since the summer of my 15th or 16th year...I was trying to think of when he got them but all I know is when I was dating Mike. So sometime around there he got them, well I've met and known them since then and later more or less became there mother and was a stable girl to them :P. Well I'm the only one it seems that can take them, which I can't since i live in a little apartment and have to big of a heart and haku just has his male issue which I'm still trying to understand what is wrong with him in a sense, but more or less back to the subject....(yes I care for the kids more or less and don't want them to leave cuz I guess I miss them as is and just don't know what I'd do without knowin some how in hell I can see them.) But back to the main point, I don't think he should go. and I don't want to see him go but he does what is best for him just like i did for me. I moved away so I could get a better education and live away from home, I did that and hell I will admit on a GameStop wage it's hell and right now i have 70 to me name.....but here it is in the end where you'd think i'd stop caring about who does what and when they do it, but no matter who it is I can't. And Ryan I know you'll end up readin this some how and you shouldn't go in a sense but I know your doing what's best for you, I will cry as I am right now, I will feel odd and bad about it in some sense, but i know some how in your mind you had to do it. I know I won't understand why or what not, but this is why I'm sleepless since i don't know how to put things in words or what not since nites are just nites and like normal no matter what when I go to bed I don't always think of anything I just sleep but for some reason my mind is on this and it worries me to think in about 2 months itll all be true and i dont know what to say cept maybe sorry I guess i don't know what I'll say then but I know atm thats what I'm thinking is sorry and that I wish in a sense maybe something would of gone better for you or us or something, but who knows what the furture holds or what will happen in the end all i know is you have 2 kids who love you and don't want to loose their daddy and a kittie well who is a kittie and what not, so like i said who knows but i guess when youll get there youll know who you are too and if things change they change i don't hold either of us to it, cuz we don't know what is coming and i know one things is and that i'm kittie and that's all that i know and can think of atm, so while i'm sleepless tonight and your sound asleep i know one thing no matter what i still love you.
Kittie >^_^<
emily the strange
11:31 PM
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